by WriggleMunch » Mon Jun 06, 2011 3:26 pm
At the moment I identify as Agnostic. I've gotten to the point where I don't care what other people are doing with religion and I don't care what I'm doing either. It's not worth the effort. I basically try to do the best by myself and the people around me and leave it at that.
As a child I was raised Christian by my parents. I loved church and whatever apparently when I was younger. But I only remember trying over and over again to get in touch with God and not feeling him. Night time and dinner time prayer felt like words I was just saying. If I actually tried to pray for something it just felt like I was talking to myself. I think I was in sixth grade when I expressed that I no longer wanted anything to do with church/Christianity. My parents were alarmed and hurt and angry. They were convinced I was going to hell. I think I even made my dad cry.
When I was in middle school I got my first girlfriend. If my disbelief in religion had not already turned me off to Christianity the reactions of my mother and my peers did. My mom took me to a therapist because I was having an "inappropriate relationship". Was I co-dependant? Yes. I think most people are that way in their first relationship. But my mom wanted them to un-gay me. She took me and my girlfriend out for ice cream one day and sat us down with these packets that said how we were being horrible human beings and that we were going to hell. I think she went through the entire bible looking for things to help her point. By then I didn't even believe in the bible, but my mother's constant attempts to destroy something that made me happy has ruined any sort of trust I used to have with her or with her religion.
I also believe that their strict religious practices are why I am denied most things deemed personal expression. I am not allowed to get a tattoo, pierce anything, wear any sort of not "normal" clothes (I.E. bondage pants, anything sold at Hot Topic, etc., clothes of the opposite gender), not allowed to have a sex life, not allowed to do things that do not match my sex (mowing the lawn, extreme sports, etc.). The list continues. All these things are considered "weird" in the same way that homosexuality is considered "weird" by my parents.
They also hate transgender people. I don't know what Christianity says about that or if it even says anything about it. But when I tried to come out to them about being gay, they were all like "what about your boyfriend?" I told them, "He's transgender, so really a girl". My dad was all like, "if that's the case you're never seeing him again." IDK. They must have just thought I was being a crazy or something because they act like nothing happened and no punishments were exacted.
My mom has harassed me several times because of my choices over the past year to wear only boy's clothes. Saying that my partner is doesn't like it, w/e. What does she know? My partner buys me most of the clothes she harasses me about. u___u;;
/end rant
Basically. I have just decided religion in not for me. Though a variety of things.
