How did it go for you ?

[kaotic identity]

I was wondering how telling your family and friends went with someone else.
If you want to share your experience with telling your family and friends or any attempts to do so you can share it here

Mine went pretty well and my parents seem pretty neutral about it for now. It was sent to them via an e-mail from a support group from an LGBT centre.
I'm seeing a psychiatrist now and all seems pretty well.

So if you feel like posting your story then please do

Lots of love
Kaotic Identity

[AlexTheSane]

The reactions from people for me where pretty neutral. People either didn't care much or had problems but really wanted to be supportive anyway. There are a couple people who I know have some serious problems with it when I'm not around, but they're not ditching me or attacking me about it, and I think they're just trying to process it.

[Kass-ID]

it was a interesting conversation (I told my parents a week ago today) They were cool, which i assumed they would be and had some really interesting questions for me. the only thing that was a little weird is how they tried to indentify with me, like they were somehow TG as well, like to a lesser level or something. Then i explained a little more and they got the idea. but it was cool.

[kaotic identity]

My friends seem pretty neutral/supportive about it as well.
Hopefully they will be that way...
Some were a little confused at first but after a little explanation they seem ok with it

[gyocchii]

when i came out to my best friend, she was really supportive about it. especially seeing that we were in seventh grade at the time, and that age is one of the most stubborn and catty, in my opinion.

as for with my other friend, he was a little crushed (since he liked me). however, he was supportive and got suuuper protective of me. no idea why. i think he felt like it made me more vulnerable to insult and harassment, but i wasn't fully out so it wasn't like i needed much protection from criticism. errr...but like i said, he didn't mind. our relationship as friends didn't waver at all. so that made 2 for 2 on my coming out.

at the end of my sophomore year, i came out to my high school guidance counselor. again, she was really accepting. she would email me and check up on me every couple days, especially right after i came out. reason being, it was a truly emotional affair because she was the first person i told who wasn't one of my extremely close friends. so i basically broke down in her office and spilled everything. while she admitted she'd never dealt with a student who was transgendered, she was able to provide me with lots of support and listened to what i had to say. which is exactly what i needed.

in all, i've got 3 for 3 now. while i have yet to come out to my family, i'm pretty content with the reactions from people so far. : D

[FantasyFan]

I told my grandma, and one of my really good friends in june, and they were both really accepting. My friend revealed to me that he had another Trans friend, MtF even, who he remembers helping through some stuff. He (my friend, not his trans friend) and I talk nearly every day, and we both know each other well enough that our normal personal boundaries are pretty much gone. It's great to be able to talk to him.

I just came out to my mom on tuesday, and while she's had a deluge of questions, both simple and awkward, she's totally accepting of it.

I also told my English teacher, because she's an incredibly intelligent person (read: Just fell short of psychology degree, very liberal, atheist, (transfriendly) feminist, well read, etc) and because her class (Advanced Placement English Language&Composition) was one of the three that I really wanted to take this year, and she's been riding my ass for having a 50%, because she knows from having me for Speech class, that she loves the way my mind works and the way I write. I felt I had to explain to her why I haven't done any assignment since this recent, brutal dysphoria got to me.

I actually had to stop myself from telling two of my other friends, just because at the time, in both situations, it would have been incredibly awkward for a very long time. I've been on a bit of a coming-out spree....

[Shadow Dragon]

I actually had to stop myself from telling two of my other friends, just because at the time, in both situations, it would have been incredibly awkward for a very long time. I've been on a bit of a coming-out spree....

Hey, nothing wrong with going on a coming out spree. Afterall, it's better to get it over with rather than continue worrying.

[SkyEglinton]

I've been on a bit of a coming-out spree....

haha, awesome.

[SomethingOrOther]

My best friend just sort of took it and moved on,but that's just the kind of person she is so it didn't bother me.
My sister seemed totally cool with it at first and offered to listen if I needed to talk and help out with binders and stuff.However,she seems to have gone back to how things were before.She keeps saying I'm "cute" (even though I warned her it was a trigger word for my dysphoria) and rolls her eyes when I mention how much I hate my breasts.She also seems to have completely forgotten about my being pansexual and doesn't try to help out when I defend non-hetero peoples against my narrow-minded Latin family even though she's never had any problems expressing her opinions to them,and I know she's cool with my semi-gayness.I think it's about time I reminded her of her initial reaction.

[SarahNicole]

I haven't told all my friends yet, but my closest friend knows and is the most supportive person I could ever hope for. He jokes around a lot and makes some rather crude sexual jokes at times, but he's extremely sensitive to my emotions and tries to be supportive and everything. He's the only person right now to know just about everything about me. All the friends I have told were supportive on the surface, so I'm very luck with that. I just don't know how serious they took me when I told them. Nobody went "eww!" and ran away from me, so that's a good thing. But this was like 8 years ago, and I'm now taking things very seriously and plan to start transitioning at least partially to start. I'm going to have to go back to the friends I care enough about and tell them more in detail, and hopefully they'll still stick around.

My parents know, but not very much. They think that it's a phase that I'm trying to work through and "correct". They know I love pink, and they know that I own some women's clothing (mostly underwear and pajamas), but my father gives me dirty looks all the time when he sees them, or thinks that he's losing his son even more. My mother knows that I'm more serious about my GID and possibly intend to transition. They don't know that I'm hoping to start on hormones asap, and they don't know that I'm suddenly nazi about losing weight because I'm taking things seriously.

My brother knows very little. I did tell him years ago about how I feel, but all he said on the topic was "it's your life". I hope to tell him more soon, and I especially hope he doesn't shy away from me because of it. We do have a somewhat close (albeit irritating) relationship.

[Adrian]

I'm kind of at a weird spot as far as "who should I tell?" I have a very large extended family and a couple siblings who are 13+ years older than me. Although I see (some of) them a lot, I'm not really close to any of them. However, I feel like I need to somehow, someday, tell them because I plan on medically transitioning. Is Facebook too casual? /only half joking

So far, the only person in my family who knows is my mom (single parent). She was nice about it though completely confused, then slightly less confused, and currently just doesn't get "what the big deal is." Doesn't see why it's important to me, why I "need" to tell people. I keep putting off telling her that I'm going to transition, but I'll have to do it eventually if I want to see that therapist before I run off to college...

[Faolan]

I came out to my parents about a month ago. They're both very religious and very conservative, but they took it fairly well.

My father pretended to know more about it than I did (HAH!) and my mom tried to blame the clubs I was in (GSA, etc).

As far as right now, they are under the illusion that they are being supportive while in real life they are insensitive and offensive. They are so, so, SO in denial about it... They've told me that "it's not on their priority list" and when I try and talk to them about it they shut me down. They've told me that they won't embrace me as their son and they won't pay for any hormones or surgeries and that I'm not allowed to do anything like that until they aren't supporting me (so when I'm out of college). All I can say is, that is definitely gonna have to change, haha. I know it takes time, and hopefully they'll come around.

As far as friends go I've come out to three of my girl friends and two of my guy friends. 4/5 of my friends were great about it and don't mind talking to me about it, but one (my guy friend Alec) told me that "it made him uncomfortable" and "he'd really rather not be a part of it". He's a great guy, though, and has really been trying to connect with me in other ways.

Oh, I also have two older siblings (one brother, 19 and one sister, 23). My sister took it really well and is just concerned, and I haven't told my brother. He's not exactly trans-friendly... I don't know how that will go. I think he might be pretty cool with it though.

WOAH long post. Sorry, ahah! (:

[NightBlooming]

@ Faolan

I'm sorry, that sounds very hard.

[Faolan]

It will get better. (I think.)

[alex]

i told some friends but I don't think most of them get it yet. but two of my friends looked into it and now understand.

[Invader GIR]

The first person I told was from work. He questioned my gender identity because I said I was a feminist. So I told him that I don't identify as male. He said something about males and females being different, and I didn't really say anything further because I really don't think he'd understand any of it.

I came out to my sister a couple of days ago. I knew I could come out to her because she's a good ally. She was very understanding and is now referring to me by my preferred name and pronouns. After talking to her (via gmail), I put it on twitter, because I know it's pretty safe. The only comment I got was somebody who commented that my twitter name had "Lord" in it, so I said that it was made long ago, and he understood. So I'm out on twitter now and it feels good.

I've told a lot of people on Omegle, to get a feel of what I'm likely to expect from my family (I really need to use a better term, because "family" includes my accepting sister) when I eventually come out to them. And for some reason, the most common question I get is "are you gay?" So I'm not looking forward to that if the same thing happens irl. Which means I'll have to come out as polysexual at the same time. Yay. Luckily for me, that's about a year away.

[Sougishiki]

Honestly, I had some mixed reactions to my coming out as asexual. My friends shrugged or asked what it was, then shrugged. My mother, on the other hand...
Not Good.
It was an accidental coming out, when she dug up some forums in my history trying to find an ebay seller. She immediately assusmed that: a) I was also aromantic b) that it was a phase and c) that it was her fault for being a single parent. The truth? I'm panromantic, it's not a phase, and it's definately not her fault.

[Werewolf]

I told my family recently. No arguments or hostility which is good. No ones talking about it though, I know they believe me - they're not denying it or anything - I think they just don't want to broach the subject because it'll inevitably lead to pronouns, name, hormones, etc, which they probably don't want to think about, or want to put off for as long as possible. So I want to get a therapist or psychiatrist or somone on board before I make any further steps there.

[EJA]

My mom found out by accident. She's very in denial and wishes I'd go back to being her daughter. Very un-supportive. We're not close anyway.

The high school friends I've told have been supportive. There's a bit of trouble calling me by my preferred name/pronouns, but that's to be expected as I've known them as my birth name/gender for years. They'll get the hang of it.

My sister (16 yrs old) is supportive though I think the whole thing confuses her, and she doesn't ever bring it up. She messes up a lot, understandable since I've known her her entire life again as my birth name/gender, and when she does she often doesn't realize it (but she'll often apologize when she does). I don't talk to her much though, and she's super awkward in general anyway.

College - I only need to 'come out' when someone screws up my pronouns. There's been some problems with several idiots who don't even try to understand (this includes a professor or two) and some people who think it's okay to joke about it or expose me but for the most part people have been cool about it.

[Dave]

Great thread idea.

I knew forever that I was "different" but didn't encounter the word "genderqueer" until very recently while watching a documentary. I was saying out loud, "Yes, exactly, that's exactly right," the whole time I watched it. I couldn't believe it...I couldn't believe there were other people like me. I felt so weird growing up, so shamed into presenting myself as something I didn't feel comfortable with, only to find that there were others just like me.

I had tried dressing up as a man before and posted that on Facebook...it was widely ignored, though my mother was curious why. This was before I found out about GQ, and I didn't know how to explain how I felt so I just told her to ignore it.
After finding out about GQ, I ended up going out as a man with a friend of mine. We had a few drinks and it was fun. Unlike before, I felt comfortable...I didn't feel like I had to act or sound like a man, I liked being in-between. I posted this picture on Facebook as well and ended up getting some questions about it. That's when I decided (after a couple drinks) to just go for it. So, while sitting at a bar watching a hockey game with a friend and the chick he's trying to impress, I posted that I'm genderqueer on my FB status using my phone. Just right then and there. I'm a bold person and I don't believe in being ashamed of myself. Now that I had a word, a definition that I could share with people, they would understand. I never could put it into words before.

I was so nervous...no one really said anything for hours. It wasn't until the next day that I found a couple likes. It was widely ignored, to be honest. I decided to leave it up for a few days and set the picture of myself with a mustache as my profile picture. A cousin asked on my status what genderqueer means and I explained it. She said that I was still her cousin and she loves me, and that it must have been hard for me growing up feeling this way without knowing what was different.

Then mom messaged me. She said a lot of negative and insulting things that I will only post if other people are scared of coming out and want to hear what their friend/family member might say. Thing is, that's mom. I tried to smooth it over. I honestly thought explaining that I'm genderqueer would make a lightbulb go on over her head because it would explain all the fights we had while I was growing up over clothing, interests/hobbies, behavior and my nickname (Dave). I thought she'd be happy to finally know why her oldest child was the odd man out, so to speak. Instead, after a couple days, she messaged me again angrier than ever, going on about how I'm confusing the little cousins that follow me (I don't know any...they're all at least 15) and more insults, like how I looked ugly and so forth. I replied telling her I thought I looked quite dashing in my mustache. I was just trying to diffuse the situation but she wouldn't let it go. Eventually, I called her and tried to explain it but she'd have no part in it. Every time I asked, "Why do you think this is so bad? What's the worst that could possibly happen?" she would change the subject about me having gone away from God. I tried to explain to her that a relationship with God would be between God and me, not something for her to criticize or scrutinize, but still, nothing. It was because I went away to college, it was because I stopped living near the family...it wasn't because this is something I felt. I told her that I understand it may come suddenly for her, but that if she thought about me growing up she'd realize it made sense. She kept denying all the fights we had as I was growing up, the accusations of being a lesbian or wanting to be a man, as if they never happened. I asked her if she thought I was crazy, and she said, "No, because I know that when I tell you something, I know that you know I know you know." I repeated that back to her and said, "Only a crazy woman would say this...so, great, a crazy woman tells me I'm not crazy. This is definitely reassuring." I said it with a laugh in my voice and mom started laughing. I told her that I'm still her kid and that I'm excited to visit (we live across the country from each other) and that it'll be really fun and so forth. She agreed, we said, "I love you" and that was that.

She's still not accepting of it, but that's her. The only reason it "bothers" me isn't because of what she says or how she judges me, but that we're still going through this. I'm 27 years old and I figured she'd have grown tired of making fun of things I believe, do or am. I wish I had a better relationship with my mother and it's this petty crap that keeps it from happening.


As for other family members, I had to text one sister because she doesn't use Facebook. She asked me to explain it and at first felt that everyone felt that way, but as I got into it more she said that she didn't realize the extent of it. She said that I'm still her big sister and she'd be fine as long as I don't get surgeries for it. My dad told me he loved me, older sister said the same, and my brother hasn't talked to me since.