informing the family

[Caspar]

I seem to have another posting phase, I wonder how long thiso ne will last:

I am thinking if I shuold tell my mom about my desire to continue consulting with medical staff about a possible breast operation. I don't see my mom very often, she's oversees for long periods of time and ocmmunication is difficult. Now she'll be coming to visit me and extended family in Germany for about 2 weeks.
I don't want to ruin her holiday by bringing up trans/transition issues, but I feel I must tell her, because I have spoken to her about a lot of things already, and she seems to be ok with that (Neutrois, name change...)...but I'm afraid I will be going too far with this, as it involves money, time, there's more fear involved, it would be a big step towards feeling better about myself. . . I just don't want to add to her worries, but I also don't want to act behind her back and keep things from her.

I have a feeling I will talk to her, though I'm not sure how to start the conversation...maybe she will somehow ask me about it, cause I have mentioned dysphoria before.

Sorry if someone is reading this and wonders what I'm trying to say...it's pretty much just a rant about me being scared to offend my mom on her well-deserved holiday and being the spoiled, dysfunctional only girl in the family (I play this role really well)...

Has anyone else recently told their parents about the desire to have an operation, how does one ease them into such a topic?

[Alder]

I find myself with a similar problem, so I can't offer much advice, only my understanding. My mother and my Aunt are the only two I've told, and I'm starting HRT in the next few weeks though I've not told the rest of the family. The only times I can are during family holidays, and the nearest larger get together would be my dad's birthday....

I wouldn't tell her right away when she gets there, give her a few days if you have the time to spend with you and others. Then start with simply the topic of your neutrois status, then slowly bring about that you've been doing research about surgeries and such and you're interested in looking into such things. I wouldn't tell her that you're 100% sold on the idea, but simply you're considering it as a possibility and you're looking into the procedures to see how safe they are and are keeping in mind if the benefits outweigh the negative in order to feel better about yourself. If you need to, you could possibly compare it to a breast enlargement if she's okay with plastic surgery... Some people are happier and more confident with larger breasts, you would be happier with smaller(or no) breasts.

No matter how things go, make sure that you do plenty of research so that you can give her as much information as she may wish... often times people are comforted with things like numbers, so if you can find a list of statistics on things(Like the safety of the procedures, the % on over all well being of persons after, etc.) then she may be more comforted with the idea of her child going under the knife.