Not sure where I go...

[Jicragg]

Yes another confused person. *nods*

I've never had strong feelings about gender. I'm biologically a girl and I automatically slipped into 'tomboy'. I just liked wearing trousers but sometimes I do wear skirts (though not much anymore because we moved and it's cold here). I was brought up knowing about transgendered people but it was simplified into 'some guys are girls in there head and vis versa' and I knew about crossdressers. I never really thought about it before and I sort of had no ties to a gender so I thought it was agendered or genderless, but then it didn't fit and I've tried just going 'if labels were boats I'd be swimming in the ocean' except doubt would become a shark and I'd turn into the naked blonde from Jaws (:lol:).

I do really want to cross dress. I remember once or twice I bound without really knowing why, just did - if that makes any sense. I've got my eyes on a binder and I'm thinking about asking a friend to buy it for me (she's easy to talk to because her dad's a crossdresser too so she's fine with it) but I don't know if I'm just a crossdresser - or will be - or a pre-op and pre- T trans. I get that crossdressers aren't all transgendered but transgendered people sort of crossdress (technically it isn't since they're dressing in the gender that they are - gah! Words aren't my strong point so I apologise if I've lost anybody). Everytime I think about how far I want to go I want to go to university with people believing I'm a bloke but I want to get a wig so I can still get all girly. I keep thinking 'if I'm going to crossdress most of the time I may as well change my name to a man's name' then what if I go onto a legal sex change on my documents but yet I'm still a girl at heart....?

I'm weird when it comes to pronouns. In real life when people use female pronouns etc. I don't mind but when it's on the internet I kind of demand for 'they' but part of me really likes it when they use 'he'. I'd love to have people use masculine pronouns with me in real life, without me telling them. It's sort of a dream to have people refer to me as 'sir'. I don't have any problems with my body really. I'm rather indifferent about it minus the binding but I don't feel as though I was born in the wrong body. Then again if I ever imagine getting married I'm always a woman. My head doesn't want to make up its mind what I am.

This is me ignoring the whole sociology view of what stereotypical guys do (*hears the flushing of that concept go down the toilet*) because I like fairly 'female' things but to a limit. I get a little grief about not being female enough but if I become a man in their eyes the grief - le sigh. This is also me ignoring what anybody else thinks, though I've got the usual nerves but they'll calm down after a while, like my family etc. since I'll dress as a female when I'm with some of them (mostly my dad - he's not very... happy with the homosexual community so I think trans would be too much. In his defense it isn't his fault. He dislikes them but he doesn't do anything, he knows it's wrong to feel how he does so he keeps it to himself).

Anyroads I'm really stuck as to where I am. I know nobody else can tell me what I am and part of me knows labels are just labels but *hears the Jaws theme music* I'd like to be able to explain myself to myself because at the moment I don't even get it.

Thank you for reading this far. ^-^

[vampyre_smiles]

I think we have some similarities. Even though I knew about transsexuals at a relatively early age, I was like, "Naw. That's not me. I don't wanna be seen as a girl but I don't feel like a guy either." And I only started wearing dresses of my own free will when I got into goth-culture, cuz the guys wore skirts and dresses too sometimes. I think you just have to understand what you feel about each situation and go from there.

[RilianXI]

anyroads <-- LOL

I was called sir all the time when I was 13-17, but not anymore.

I think that you might be tg or you might just not want to fit into someone else's box. I act ways people say are normal for my birthsex and anathema to my target sex, but I think that's explained by how I was raised rather than an innate tendency. Could be the same for you.

[nome]

Ya.. I don't fit into the binary well at all. I find it best not to try and chop up my behavior between my assigned gender and masculinity. That got.. well, painful, since I was literally dissecting my gender. I hope you find something you feel comfortable with.

A piece of advice I have when feeling out stuff is to not see gender labels as strict guidelines that you must follow to a T but rather something voluntary that you wear with pride, that fits what you need it to and not what someone else says it needs to be.

I call myself a boy all the time but that doesn't stop me from looking at a bottle of nail polish and thinking, "I could rock that red."

[Shadow Dragon]

I'm kinda the same way, only the opposite (ie a biological male who leans towards female genderwise). You might be somewhaere between male and female, or possibly bigendered. On idea that I would suggest is to try to live as a male for a little while, like say a week or possibly even a month. That may help you get a better understanding. Anyways, good luck on figuring things out.

[Yo'mumma]

I don't think many people fit the binary. It's cool to be a guy and do "feminine" things and vice-versa, and to be completely honest I think that most people would be much happier if they had more of a balance of these things. We can identify as one gender and still do things normally associated with the other, because honestly there isn't that much difference.

[Allosaurus2]

...strict guidelines that you must follow to a T

Rather fitting choice of words there. Of course, if you were in the MtF forum, you'd have to say "follow to an E" instead. ;)

[Jicragg]

Wow you guys, girls and others are good. I felt really uplifted by your comments.

As I keep digging further and further into the whole gender aspect of life I'm finding it more and more impossible to point to something and say: 'that's female.' I get how some things are more feminine that others but that's about it. Lots of girls don't do feminine things but are still women. When the line has been thrown out the window it's hard to know where you stand. ^,-,^ (as Yo'Mamma said)

Very good point, Nome, but all boys rock in nail varnish. I would never consider changing myself so I could fit into a label but I just need to find a label that fits me really. Like buying a hat, I'm not changing the size of my head just to get one.

I shall give that a try, Shadow Dragon, but I'm not sure how abouts I go about doing that for that length of time. I might try it on a day to day basis instead and work my way up, if I like it that is. I looked into bigenderism (it's a word now) and the bigendered posts all imply they're all multiples and I don't feel as though I am. The male version of me is more like a persona or a character.

Leave my English slang out of this, RilianXI! I've never really acted like a stereotypical girl but I don't really know what one is. Some of the stereotypical things girls do like wear tiny skirts, high heels and putting on loads of make-up and spending twenty minutes in the morning to cover your gorgeous face in hideous make-up aren't feminine, I just think they are silly. Nice skirts, sane heels and perhaps a little bit of make-up to exaggerate features is okay because I like doing that myself though when I'm in the mood which is rarely. I've just gone and confused myself again here.

[Allosaurus2]

I looked into bigenderism (it's a word now) and the bigendered posts all imply they're all multiples and I don't feel as though I am. The male version of me is more like a persona or a character.

You don't have to be multiple to be bigendered. Bigendered just means you switch between two gender identities (generally but not always male and female) on a fairly regular basis.

[vampyre_smiles]

^,-,^

OMG! Vampire smiley! (Or that's what I use that for). ^,-,^

[RilianXI]

Leave my English slang out of this, RilianXI!

I like to say anywadles.

I've never really acted like a stereotypical girl but I don't really know what one is. Some of the stereotypical things girls do like wear tiny skirts, high heels and putting on loads of make-up and spending twenty minutes in the morning to cover your gorgeous face in hideous make-up aren't feminine, I just think they are silly.

I think make-up is stupid. I don't think it's immoral. I died my hair a lot when I was younger, and make-up can be the same kind of fun, but some people, like my mom, wear it obsessively and believe inaccurately that they look like crap without it. Not wanting to mask yourself like that doesn't exclude you from being female.

Nice skirts, sane heels and perhaps a little bit of make-up to exaggerate features is okay because I like doing that myself though when I'm in the mood which is rarely. I've just gone and confused myself again here.

I was in the mood to put on make-up once. But then I went outside and the way people treated me changed my mind.

[vampyre_smiles]

I think make-up is stupid. I don't think it's immoral. I died my hair a lot when I was younger, and make-up can be the same kind of fun, but some people, like my mom, wear it obsessively and believe inaccurately that they look like crap without it. Not wanting to mask yourself like that doesn't exclude from being female.

I've heard that wearing too much make-up is bad for your skin anyway. Clogs pores n stuff. I always go light on make-up when I use it. Wearing too much is like a vicious downward spiral.