Boyish Neutrois...?

[scrapetape]

Hello everyone...
I'm having some confusion atm over my gender, and I thought it might help to get it out in the open.

About my situation...
I was raised female, but never felt right about it. As a kid I accepted it as I assumed I really had no other choice. In my teens, I discovered TG/TS people and felt that this applied to me. I figured if I wasn't a girl, I must be FTM, and proceeded to adopt a new male identity. I lived that way for a few years, and was certainly much happier that way than I had been trying to live as a female, but I knew something wasn't right. Finally accepting this realization caused a bit of a break down for me, thrusting me right back into feelings of confusion and being "lost" in the world and in my own body...
That's lasted for about the last couple of years, and after sifting through my feelings I have come to a point where I am happy to accept being neither male nor female. But...
I'm still a little confused. Let's see...
I do have an androgynous personality, in that I have a mix of feminine, masculine, and "neutral" traits, though I tend to lean somewhat more toward masculinity... but I don't identify as "both."
I'm not asexual, but I'm definitely not okay with my chest/genitals, and if I had the choice I would be intersex or (ideally) have no parts whatsoever.. just smooth skin.
I desire an androgynous appearance. I'd rather have people confused when they look at me, but I'd at least prefer that people assume that I'm male rather than female.
So, could I be considered neutrois? I've been lately thinking that that might be the word I'm looking for, but the term does seem to suggest being completely "neutral" which still isn't exactly how I feel..
Is it possible to be a "boyish" neutrois? Lol... I dunno.

Anyway, thanks for reading this. Any responses are appreciated.

[shiofra]

Hi! Its nice meet ya. I don't know much about Neutrois, but we have some other people who can probaly help.

[heldenautie88]

Neutrois means that you want to appear gender neutral; it's (in my mind) more of a subtractive process. You would not want things that showed your gender and you would probably define your gender as "neither". Androgyny is more of a mixing or half-way point. Some aspects of what you described seem more androgynous, some more neutrois. But yeah, that's my take.

[Lyn Aven]

Gender isn't discrete. It's not limited to "male" "female" "neutrois" "androgyne". It's perfectly possible to be a boyish girl (but still a girl) and an effeminate guy (but still very much a man) so there's no reason you can't be a boyish neutrois -- in my mind, this implies that you don't feel that you're either a man nor a woman but your preferences tend to align with what's commonly considered "male" preferences.

[scrapetape]

Thanks everyone for the replies.
@ Lyn Aven, Makes sense, ty.

[not_quite_pie]

You sound like a butch neutrious to me, but noboidy else can really tell you what you are with any accuracy.