Pressure and guilt

[scrapetape]

I've been feeling a terrible sense of guilt for the past few weeks for wanting to rid myself
of my sex characteristics...
Unlike many others I have observed on the gender forums, I am not comfortable with my sex. It does not feel right to me, and it never has.
I have tried over and over in the past to accept it, but I feel like I'm living a lie, like I'm walking around in someone else's body. All I really want is to be sexless.
I'm finally at a point im my life where I am ready to accept identifying as neutrois, but I am getting a lot pressure from other people to "just accept myself."
Which of course to them means that I should ignore how unhappy I am being stuck with bodyparts and an assumed gender that I do not want.
Yes, I know there are people who identify as non-binary yet are okay with being read as their assigned gender. Yes, I know there are effeminate men and masculine women who still
identify with their assigned gender, and blah blah blah and so on... But that just isn't me. Why is that so horrible?

Has anyone else felt pressured or guilt tripped like this?

Sorry if I sound whiny, I just need to get this stuff off my chest...

[Lyn Aven]

As a fellow non-binary, I feel your pain. I've felt that pressure, too -- worse, I've felt it from my own wife. So it's definitely normal to feel how you feel.

I wish I had some actual advice to give, but try not to let it get you. Stick to your guns and be yourself and don't let anyone else tell you who you should be.

[Psychopomp]

When other people say 'just accept yourself' they're saying 'accept what we want'. Your happiness comes first and if they don't like it, that's tough. It's not their happiness on the line.

[Ryles]

Just accept yourself, they're right- you should. All of yourself. You should accept the parts of you that need to change. Accepting your body as it is isn't accepting you, it's accepting what other people tell you to do so they can ignore something that makes them uncomfortable (while forcing you to endure something that makes you unhappy). Not all trans people need to transition medically- definitely true. But some of us do. It's as valid a need as any other. It's a requirement to lead a healthy, happy life that's (somewhat) accepted by the medical community.


I actually haven't felt that pressure. Whenever someone told me "But why do you need surgery? Isn't enough that you know who you are, why do you care about what other people think?" or decided my gender wasn't valid or that it was "too weird" to deserve transition, I just got angry. They weren't listening to me. They were listening to their own prejudices and idea of how the world works and ignoring what it's actually like for me. For me, it's not about being "seen" as a neutrois. It's about having a body that I'm comfortable in. I've spent so much of my life miserable, living a half-life where I just went through the motions while wishing that a meteor would fall on me or something because of this body that I never asked for. I've done everything I possibly can to be comfortable in it. It didn't happen.

Why does anyone else get to tell me that I should be miserable just because they don't get it? They don't have to live with the consequences of not transitioning - I do. So, no, I don't get guilty because of other people's intolerance and ignorance- I get angry because no one has the right to condemn someone else to misery. Especially not out of ignorance and prejudice.

[scrapetape]

Thanks so much for the responses and support.
I try not to let these kinds of things get to me, but with so much going on in my life right now, it can get a little overwhelming. After expressing it and getting your feed back I feel relieved.
Coming to this site has been very helpful to me, so thanks again guys, it's really nice to hear from others who "get it."