When testing the gender waters...

[MiaAndMarq]

We tell people that we like to test the waters so to say when considering telling someone about our special circumstances. We were thinking today, what red flags would have to go up for us that would make us not want to tell that person?

Sure, someone that seems understanding or agreeable about gender not being as binary or as ridgid as people imagine is always a good sign to go ahead and proceed into deeper conversations on the topic.

Also though, if we find someone that is particularly ridgid in their views of gender, we almost see that as a challenge that we should expand their horizons, make them see they're viewing things too narrowly.

So are there circumstances or red flags that could go up that would actually make us(or others in the same situation) not want to tell someone about their gender identity?

For clarification, in case this topic doesn't make any sense, its our policy to start more casual conversations with people that don't know already about our bigender/two-spirited situation to attempt to determine from their reactions of more casual conversations how they might react to more heavy topics. This is not uncommon in other circumstances like people trying to tell how someone might act to their sexual orientation by bring up orientation topics unrelated to that person.

Question posed, ears listening
Marq and Mia

[RilianXI]

A friend of mine said, "I don't like gay people." His reasoning had to do with his religion. I am definitely never discussing anything LGBT with him, ever.

[Wesley_Lexi]

Yeah, I look out for closed-minded (usually religious people. Big NO when it comes to telling them. Also, people I can't trust to keep a secret, or people who may think I have MPD because they wouldn't be able to grasp the big picture.

[AlexTheSane]

I have a friend who claims to be accepting of gays, but he is strongly against anything that seems "weird" to him. I know that if I come out to him, the extent of our conversations after that will be him trying to convince me that I am wrong.

[Recursive Paradox]

people who may think I have MPD because they wouldn't be able to grasp the big picture.

It's referred to as DID now to better reflect the causes of the condition and many of its side aspects. I am confuzzled about the big picture statement due to sleep deprivation and a lack of caffeine. Could you explain that?

[Wesley_Lexi]

Okay then, DID. (What does that stand for BTW?)

By by big picture, I mean look past the fact that I have two personalities, and into the fact that I'm bigendered, which is a form of transgender, not a mental illness. Most people would just hear "two personalities", and immediately link it to "insane".

[static nonsense]

DID stands for Dissociative Identity Disorder.

[RilianXI]

DID stands for Dissociative Identity Disorder.

I like that movie, Identity. He visto?

[Rebis]

The red flag would be a scowl or worse from the person when broaching the topic.

I generally don't give a damn what people think and I'm more concerned about others who may get caught up in some disapproving jerk's bad attitude.

[greendayfan333]

Identity is an awesome movie.

[MiaAndMarq]

Sometimes when you talk to someone, you're asking for advice. Sometimes when you talk to someone, you just want to tell them something and you don't need any advice back. People don't always know which situation applies and will occasionally start trying to offer advice on something you don't really feel you need advice on. Maybe that's what is occuring when people try to start 'fixing' what they see is wrong with you when you tell them that you're TG or gay. We see this happen a lot, people start trying to tell us that we're mistaken about this or that and that we'll figure it out eventually. And we think, "What? No we're fine, we don't need your advice on that"

Maybe we should hand out cue cards when we actually need someone's advice on something so they know when to offer advice.


Rambled
Marq and Mia

[Wesley_Lexi]

Hehe. That's kinda funny. I can just imagine that.

Us: "Yeah, so I figured I might as well tell you. I'm bigendered. I'm both male and female, and I have respective personalities for the two."

Them: "Oh, well I'm sure that if you see a shink-"

Us: *cuts them off and hands them a card*

Them: *reads card* "We're informing you, not asking for advice?"

Us: *nods*

[Rebis]

Hehe. That's kinda funny. I can just imagine that.

Us: "Yeah, so I figured I might as well tell you. I'm bigendered. I'm both male and female, and I have respective personalities for the two."

Them: "Oh, well I'm sure that if you see a shink-"

Us: *cuts them off and hands them a card*

Them: *reads card* "We're informing you, not asking for advice?"

Us: *nods*

Good one.

[Simon]

Unfortunately, many people who are gay or TS can be scathing of androgynes. Bisexuals seem to be the most understanding and supportive. The bisexuals I've met seem to just "understand" straight away without me saying anything and without the, "You're just in denial / perverted," crap.

[Wesley_Lexi]

Yay us! Bisexuals rule! lol

But yeah, we're probably one of the most understanding groups out of the sexual orientations simply because we know. We get attacked by both homosexuals and heterosexuals. I was even bashed by both at once!

Also, I'm talking in a general sense, and without knowing any asexuals or pansexuals. Just thought I'd clear that up.

[Siri/Ri]

Yay us! Bisexuals rule! lol

But yeah, we're probably one of the most understanding groups out of the sexual orientations simply because we know. We get attacked by both homosexuals and heterosexuals. I was even bashed by both at once!

Also, I'm talking in a general sense, and without knowing any asexuals or pansexuals. Just thought I'd clear that up.

Here's two!
I usually don't tell anyone unless asked. Whichever one is out dresses and acts in their own way. If asked, I tell. If they don't like my answer, not my problem.
I'm usually more gentler about it. Though I did get 'sir'ed before.

[malyenkijprints]

I don't have much tact-- so if the topic comes up and/or I feel like talking about it.. I talk about it.

But no one has really been able to shut me out yet--I have been able to shut their arguments out easily so far... just because the people that do fight against me have been to simpleminded.

So, I'm lucky I guess.

[AlexTheSane]

I have been as close to out as I can get without introducing friends and family to the vocabulary. It's to sort of make sure that there is as little shock as possible when I actually come out.

I think I'm doing well in that regard. A friend of mine referred to me as "sexless" recently, and today in drama club, I filled in for a female part and had the following conversation:
Friend 1 "she... he! sorry."
Me: "I don't actually care."
F1: "Oh... ok."
F2: "Like the audience would notice anyway."

I know F2 was making fun of me, but I still feel I am successful.