EJA wrote:Recursive Paradox; I've kept myself 'safe and clear' for years already now; one more won't hurt. Well, not more than it already has. I'm pretty emotionally deadened already and I'm not sure if there's much more he can do.
On the contrary one more can do more than hurt. What you're experiencing right now is a low key level of abuse (imo). It is steadily worsening. You already seem to have some trauma from it but you are utterly mistaken if you believe that a person can have a certain amount of trauma and become immune.
The more things he does to you, the more he will emotionally deaden you, worsen your paranoia, lower your self esteem or actually cause a more severe issue like PTSD if this abuse switches to heavily physical abuse. A year is a long time. 12 months, over 48 weeks, 365 days. Over a period of three hundred and sixty five days, this will continue to escalate. You know this and we know this.
How much further can you imagine it going? At a certain point the abuse will switch gears and go into areas you aren't even close to prepared for. And you're facing twelve months of waiting for it. Not to disparage your own abilities, but you haven't done a terribly good job of keeping yourself safe here. Mostly because you can't keep yourself safe in an abusive situation. There's simply no way. You are automatically vulnerable simply by being in the situation. How long before he locks you in a room with him and forces you to sit close by for a long time? How long before the frequency of forced affection goes beyond the level you can handle? How long before he starts limiting when you can go out and leave the house just to keep you from pulling away? An abuser will strip every defense from you while the abuse goes unaddressed.
If you don't find a way to address this, through therapy, or intervention from authorities, then you will not be "safe and clear" and you will be hurt worse than you have been. These are guaranteed.
Letting it go will only succeed in emotionally injuring you further, perhaps even permanently.
Life is a lot more interesting then we give it credit for.