Kinda Awkward to Ask...

[Wesley_Lexi]

Alright, first off, I think you are all wonderful people. I don't mean to offend, because I know there are some here who crossdress, and I support you. Please don't think otherwise. Here's the deal though:

Lexi would like to wear women's clothes. Normal right? A female would want to wear feminine clothing. Here's the kicker. The body matches me, and I really can't accept dressing up like a girl. This isn't because I believe it's wrong or whatever, but I can't get past the thought. It would really bother me, even if it were in private. I want to be fair to Lexi though. What do I do? I don't want to be rude, but compromise just doesn't seem to work here... Help?

((Note: All black print. This means it's Wesley posting this.))

[Kaienne]

Well, first of all... Ask her how she feels about the notion.
A healthy relationship requires compromise.

[Rebis]

You may also try just adding some 'feminine' touches to what you do now. Jewelry, head scarves, and other things can feel feminine yet still appear ordinary to others. It may serve as an outlet for now.

I understand about the crossdressing. I kept trying to do it for about a year because I thought I was supposed to, but I found it isn't me. My condition is different than yours, however. I'm not bigendered.

[Pica Pica]

i always like to cross dress in pyjamas or other private cosy things, it was a nice way to curl up and get some writing done, since I stopped, I write a lot less...which is odd.

[Kaimialana]

First of all, this really is between you and Lexi. So far, from what I have seen of bigenders, the two halves are like siblings in a very very close relationship to each other. In every relationship there needs to be good communication, and for everyone to be happy there needs to be compromise.

But let me ask this: if Lexi is in control, essentially a girl in a male body, would that really be considered crossdressing?

In my opinion, it is not.

[Rebis]

Yeah. I don't even believe in the concept of crossdressing. I think it's all okay.

[Museum]

Yeah. I don't even believe in the concept of crossdressing. I think it's all okay.

Same here, I never thought of certain clothes as being "masculine" or "feminine" despite being taught that my whole life by the world around me. As I see it, they're all just pieces of fabric, anyone can wear them. I never thought of colors as being gendered, either. And it seems just bizarre to me that things like flowers are thought of as "feminine" when they are living things and can be male, female, hermaphrodite, etc...

[Kaimialana]

The whole concept of crossdressing is useless in a gender open society, or in a society that accepts gender variants. Rebis is right, if we accept the existence of gender variancy, then we have to accept that crossdressing as a concept really doesn't exist.

And museum, thats what Michal tells me "they're just pieces of cloth"

[Kaienne]

It appears though that Wesley is the dominant personality at the moment and is not used to going into submission. It seems that in the instances where Alexis has been allowed out, Wesley has always been present in the direct background. Wesley may not have any particular interest in crossdressing; the act may even feel wrong to him, and as such is harder to not reject. Alexis, on the other hand, has been in the submissive position for some time- likely most if not all of her life- and is accustomed to not rejecting dressing as the opposite gender.

[Wesley_Lexi]

It appears though that Wesley is the dominant personality at the moment and is not used to going into submission. It seems that in the instances where Alexis has been allowed out, Wesley has always been present in the direct background. Wesley may not have any particular interest in crossdressing; the act may even feel wrong to him, and as such is harder to not reject. Alexis, on the other hand, has been in the submissive position for some time- likely most if not all of her life- and is accustomed to not rejecting dressing as the opposite gender.

That's true. I am always the dominant, and when I'm not, I am more watchful in the background, while Lexi is not out as much, and when she isn't, just kinda relaxes. She is most definately the submissive. She hasn't even really argued her point about the clothicng, I just know she wants it.

Thanks for all the advice. I might end up going with the jewelry/etc. idea. I'll start being on the lookout for things Lexi would like that people wouldn't look twice at. I really am sorry that I feel this way, but it seems that you understand at least.

It's true that I did want to dress like me, but I never brought it up, because like he said, it's kinda more of his body, and I came along later, so I left it alone. It is kinda mine too though, so I'll be happy to at least put on some ornaments, even if I can't pick out the tree.

[Kaienne]

Hopefully one day the two of you will see neither as submissive nor dominant; however all things must be given ample time to come into fruition.

[MiaAndMarq]

Forgive us if our comments become or are too intrusive. To be most fair, you'll have to come up with a compromise that suits both of you and not just one of you is being cohersed into.

Yes for Wesley its going to feel wrong. Marq all these years felt it was wrong somehow but still kept doing it which confused him. It was through that that Mia got Marq to ask some hard questions, which led to him noticing Mia finally.

Let us share our compromise in its current incantation. (Its a growing thing really)
Marq gets to pick all atire outside of the house and Mia gets to choose all attire inside the house. Now usually out of empathy for Marq, Mia will pick more casual clothing but it truely her choice.

Wesley you'll find that Lexi really wants a chance to express herself and if you can put your hesitations aside, you'll make her very happy if you let her shine. If its anything like us, when one of us is really happy, they share that feeling with the other. Sure while you're uncomfortable, do it in private, just remember you're showing how much you love and care for her when you let her express herself like that. Work into a compromise that works for you, starting small if necessary.

Perhaps one day we'll adjust our agreement to be more expressive, but we're working within what we can handle right now. Our friends all know and don't mind that she is showing herself physically when they're over.

Again start small and adjust as you two get more comfortable. Jewelry, underwear, even just more feminine shirts and pants. We look foward to hearing about your progress.

Mia and Marq
Wouldn't trade our situation for the world

[Wesley_Lexi]

Thanks. Thing is though, I don't have a lot of time when my parents and brother are gone, and they don't know. Not to mention I don't have access to female attire...

[MiaAndMarq]

Now see that in and of itself is a dilemna. We'd say start buying it but that takes a whole lot of confidence. A legitimate company will not question why you are buying things, or they shouldn't, you're a consumer and they're taking your money, that should be the end of it.

Borrow at first if you have to, girls have plenty of clothes they don't want or need anymore and if they're aware of your situation, and they are supportive, its almost a given if your even remotely the same size that they'll be glad to help.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Marq and Mia

[Wesley_Lexi]

Thing is... At one point 3 girls knew about Lexi. My girlfriend, and two friends of mine. When all the trouble arose, I informed them that Lexi was gone. After I brought her back, I did not inform them of it. Not one of them seemed to deal with it well. The only person who now knows is my best friend, the person I told first. He is a boy though, and would have as much access as I do to women's clothes: zilch.

As for purchasing, that might work, save for a few facts:

• I cannot drive by myself yet, as I only have a permit. I think my mother or father would question me about purchasing said items. And by think I mean know.

• I am saving up to purchase a ring for my girlfriend, and I have no money to spare.

• I have no place to hide women's clothing where it would remain undiscovered.

[MiaAndMarq]

Well those certainly are problems. It seems like a couple of those will fix themselves eventually so I guess appease Lexi other ways but taking good care of your body, and giving her plenty of opportunities to express her personality.

We're not sure how you organize your expression but we just constantly trade off on who is being expressed at any moment based on which is better suited to handle that situation. Its kind of an automode, where we don't really make a big deal about it but for those looking closely, they can tell. For example, almost exclusively, if we're talking to one other person, thats Mia's area. Small groups of 3 to 6 is Marq's area. Competitive situations are Marq's thing and cooperative and collaborative efforts are Mias.

Just find what she likes to do and make sure you do it. She has to have some interests that won't raise any eyebrows but will give her an opportunity to do what she enjoys.

And when some of those problems mentioned in your post resolve, you can work towards growing her attire.

We're going to try to write a little guide based on our experiences for others in our unique situation to kind of make the process of growing together smoother, look for that soon.


Mia and Marq
Because we got each others back

[Wesley_Lexi]

Wesley is in charge most of the time in public, but Lexi is out for a lot of the time in private. Also, if that friend of ours is the only one around, Lexi comes out then too.

Yeah, some will clear up, but there is another problem I overlooked. Once again, my girlfriend. I remember now, when she wanted me to get rid of Lexi because she was concerned, one of her worries was.

"... but it might escalate Wesley, and who knows where it would stop? You could even end up crossdressing..."

There is a major roadblock right there, and I can't see how she would change her mind...

I'd also like to add her that I would rather you guys not think badly of my girlfriend. She ends up sounding like the bad-guy a lot here, but you have no idea how wonderful she is normally. Please take that into account.

[MiaAndMarq]

This goes without saying but if she made that comment she didn't understand the first time. So that gives us hope that in future attempts, if you'll let us talk with her, we'll make sure shes got the idea.

Patience is good though, so see where things lead with her. Maybe the right opportunity will come up and you'll both know its time to push things along with her again.

M&M

[Wesley_Lexi]

Maybe.

Just gotta say though, she's an angel for sure, but she is pretty firm rooted. Not to mention she has quite a limited vocabulary, so it's hard to get her to understand some concepts...

Anyway, thanks for all the advice you two have given me.

(Just noticed, Lexi hasn't made a peep on here all night. She's probably just preoccupied with her music. That's one of our compromises. When I'm on the computer doing my stuff, we listen to her music.)

[Postmodern Macro]

First of all, this really is between you and Lexi. So far, from what I have seen of bigenders, the two halves are like siblings in a very very close relationship to each other. In every relationship there needs to be good communication, and for everyone to be happy there needs to be compromise.

But let me ask this: if Lexi is in control, essentially a girl in a male body, would that really be considered crossdressing?

In my opinion, it is not.

Well, no, but to the rest of the world? Yeah, you're a dude dressed up like a chick.

I'm with whoever said just adding some girly touches to whatever you're wearing. If she's happy with that, great. That's cool. If she's not, and you're willing to try, consider earrings/jewelry whatever... like... training wheels. Gradually work your way up to it. c:
Yeah, it's scary. I mean, I'm always a little nervous running around in skirts, and I'm actually in a girl's body.

Oh, and dude, if you can't go buy things, y'know, in town without your parents wondering, try the internet. Have shit sent to a friend's house. Sam gets stuff for us all the time that her parents wouldn't like. She has it sent to her boyfriend or her best friend's house. C:

I hope you get shit worked out.