When to see a gender therapist?

[Faolan]

I've felt like a boy my entire life, but never thought that being one was possible so I tried not to think about it. Around last October I had a serious revelation after watching some FtM video blogs and realized that maybe I felt his way because I was trans. I've come out to my parents and they have me in regular therapy (and the woman is great, we talk about my gender identity, but she doesn't really understand [and she's admitted to that and everything] but she's super helpful with other stuff).

Anyway. I also have a psychiatrist who I've seen once about this stuff, and she said that I should really ask myself to find a rational reason as to WHY I want to be a boy. At first I was like "WTF? Is there ever a 'rational' reason?" But then I started thinking about it as WHY I wanted to be a boy, and I realized that it was because of a lot of different things. I want to be able to have hairy legs and grow facial hair, I want to be able to grow muscles like guys, I want to have a flat chest and I want to get rid of my hips, I want all the "manly equipment" and I want people to see me as male because that's who I am.

Well, for the actual question I guess, when should I see a therapist who deals specifically with gender issues? My parents told me they "didn't believe me" when I told them I was questioning and they "aren't convinced" that I'm actually having problems. They refuse to deal with it, and have told me "they will only start to consider it if I get a diagnosis" (as in a Gender Identity Disorder diagnosis).

Now I've heard that you only start seeing a gender therapist if you want to start HRT or have SRS, but I'm not totally sure about that. Wouldn't I want to work out these problems before I go for a psych evaluation? Don't I want to be seeing a gender therapist BEFORE I get a GID diagnosis?

Sorry for the super long post, haha.

[Kass-ID]

I would say that you should start looking for a therapist who deals with GID patients or is at least educated about GID patients as soon as you can. A diagnosis of GID is necessary to start obtaining things like SRS and Hormones, but the diagnosis doesn't mandate treatment or anything. Going to a professional with experience in the Trans community will give you the opportunity to figure out what direction is right for you. I'd say the sooner the better.

P.S. Your psych sounds scary (rational reason bit) It seems to me the only reason you'd ask somebody that is if you wanted to argue with them. I think the end game for this line of questioning would always be "see there is no truly rational reason for it, so you should give it up already." But that's just my two cents.

[SarahNicole]

What you also need to be wary of though is some GID doctors are quick to diagnose with GID even if you have something else that may be causing it. I think any helpful therapist is good, as long as they're willing to be impartial and do what is best for you. Tell your therapist about WPATH if she's unfamilliar with the standards of transgender care, and if she's willing to play along, she can write the required letters of referral if she believes it will help you. The whole point of going to the therapist is to rule out other unrelated (or at least treat them prior to transition) physiological disorders, like OCD and depression.

If your therapist thinks that you are otherwise normal (no OCD, etc..), then ask her if she thinks that transition will help you? And if so, she can follow the standards of WPATH.

[Lyn Aven]

What you also need to be wary of though is some GID doctors are quick to diagnose with GID even if you have something else that may be causing it. I think any helpful therapist is good, as long as they're willing to be impartial and do what is best for you. Tell your therapist about WPATH if she's unfamilliar with the standards of transgender care, and if she's willing to play along, she can write the required letters of referral if she believes it will help you. The whole point of going to the therapist is to rule out other unrelated (or at least treat them prior to transition) physiological disorders, like OCD and depression.

If your therapist thinks that you are otherwise normal (no OCD, etc..), then ask her if she thinks that transition will help you? And if so, she can follow the standards of WPATH.

Sarah, I'll direct your attention to the thread on bigender.net concerning criticisms of the WPATH system. It's generally considered to be overly restrictive, especially to non-binary transfolk like myself.

[SarahNicole]

Well, I believe that when dealing with a therapist who doesn't feel comfortable winging it, then let them follow WPATH, if it can help the patient in question. I'm confident it can be applied to me personally.

[Faolan]

Thanks for the replies, you guys. (:

My thoughts were "the sooner the better" as well, but my parents aren't necessarily going along with that...

(Sidenote: I was diagnosed with depression a couple years ago and I have anxiety disorder, but I'm on meds and everything and my condition with that is good and stable. Do you think this will affect my psych's decision as far as a diagnosis goes?)

And my parents are extremely willing to let me switch psych's if I want to (to take the "rational reason" thing into consideration). I think I might. My psych is kind of insensitive and offensive anyway.

Also, my therapist is great. She's definitely impartial about the whole thing, but I don't think she realizes how much this affects my life. She keeps telling me "it's one part of you" and I guess I can see how being trans could be "one part" of me as a person, but being male is not. It is a major part of my identity.

I suppose I'll just keep trying to convince my parents to let me see a gender therapist. I really think that's who I need to be working with right now. I hate to feel like I'm hunting for a diagnosis because I don't want my questioning or decisions to be affected by it, but my parents refuse to take me seriously without one. This wouldn't be a problem, except for the fact that I'm fifteen... sigh.

Oh, and as far as WPATH, I have no idea what that is. But I'll Google it, haha.

Thanks again you guys! This whole forum has been super helpful.

[SarahNicole]

Try telling your therapist that you value her opinions, but you really feel you need to take steps in that direction. Tell her what you want, and don't wait for her to tell you what you are. Ask her if she believes that transitioning can help you? If she does, maybe she'll slowly work toward getting you there. If she doesn't think it will help you, then go find somebody else.

[Faolan]

Well, I see her tomorrow so I'll be sure to talk to her about it. I'm also bringing her the WPATH SOC (along with it's criticisms) and the Health Law SOC. My main problem right now, I suppose, is my parents.

[SarahNicole]

Well, I see her tomorrow so I'll be sure to talk to her about it. I'm also bringing her the WPATH SOC (along with it's criticisms) and the Health Law SOC. My main problem right now, I suppose, is my parents.

Personally, I think that's the best thing you can do right now. It's smart that you're bringing the WPATH along with the things people hate about it, so she can look through both and then make an educated decision of her own instead of trying to blindly follow some set of rules.

I am not seeing my therapist until the 18th, and I haven't seen her before. I'm told that she specializes in "the area I require", but I'm skeptical about that because nobody in the trans community I've spoken with knows any therapists in my province who deal with GID. Maybe she's new, I don't know... but we'll find out. I may have to do the same thing with her that you're doing.

[Faolan]

God, seeing a new therapist is always such an ordeal. I hate having to start over like that. (If you've had a therapist before, I don't know if you have).

The sad thing is there are so many great gender therapists around where I live. It's like, "RAGH, why won't you just let me see one of them?!" Eh, it takes time for parents I s'pose.

Well, good luck with your first meeting! I hope all goes well. (:

[itsa_wallaby]

The whole point of going to the therapist is to rule out other unrelated (or at least treat them prior to transition) physiological disorders, like OCD and depression.

If your therapist thinks that you are otherwise normal (no OCD, etc..), then ask her if she thinks that transition will help you? And if so, she can follow the standards of WPATH.

I'm bipolar (ok, schizoaffective) and transgendered. One might even be the cause of the other. That doesn't make any of my experiences any less valid, and should not effect how I am treated by the medical community with relation to either issue.



Good luck finding someone, Faolon! I hope your search is fruitful.

[Faolan]

Thanks for all the support and answers, you guys. Seeing my regular therapist today, so hopefully we can talk about it! (:

[SarahNicole]

The whole point of going to the therapist is to rule out other unrelated (or at least treat them prior to transition) physiological disorders, like OCD and depression.

If your therapist thinks that you are otherwise normal (no OCD, etc..), then ask her if she thinks that transition will help you? And if so, she can follow the standards of WPATH.

I'm bipolar (ok, schizoaffective) and transgendered. One might even be the cause of the other. That doesn't make any of my experiences any less valid, and should not effect how I am treated by the medical community with relation to either issue.



Good luck finding someone, Faolon! I hope your search is fruitful.

It was not my intention to imply otherwise, and I'm sorry if it came accross that way. What I meant was that SOME people do not really feel gender dysphoric, and are just confusing it with the effects of something else. I may have mild depression or OCD beyond my gid, so I want to care for that as well, lest I suffer it forever.

[itsa_wallaby]

Alright, I'm glad you didn't mean it the way I thought you did.

[Faolan]

Well, my parents and therapist and (reluctantly) I have decided that we should wait a year to see a gender specialist.


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[zack25]

I know this is probably irrelevant by now but see one right away!You may not get an actouall diagnosis immidiatly but even if your just questioning they can help alot!