Question

[SarahNicole]

I had a long conversation with a trans friend of mine, and I may have worked out a few unresolved questions I had... But I'd like to clarify something with those people here.

I know of a few gender models that involve more than one gender (be it both at once, or one at a time)... but I don't know where this might fit in. Seems like maybe bi-gendered, but I don't know if that's technically right.

I feel like there's a possibility that I might be switching between the female side of the binary, and somewhere probably in the middle, or ungendered. This is because there are times when I feel comfortable saying i'm female, and there are times when I feel like I'm not. I still don't know for sure if I really have two genders, or if it's just doubt causing the mixed feelings, but I'm getting closer to finding an answer.

I recently found out that I might not actually want to go all the way over to the other side of the binary, but instead just want to be more androgynous, because I'm comfortable living an outward male life, but feel like I want some female features too. If that's the case then I'm probably just genderqueer.

So many things to think about. Have to go over my saved MSN conversation to see if I can make sense of it all again after I take a nap. I feel some kind of peace right now, but I suspect it'll be only temporary.

[Jicragg]

I hope you have a good rest.

I've had similar issues myself and I know many others have too. It's hard to really say anything other than offer my support because I cannot think of much else. I haven't come to conclusion about myself so I cannot say how others have managed it. Hopefully some of those people will post and give better help. Perhaps it's possible to go through the changes you are definitely sure you want, to a "middle" state/sex/body as it were and then think at that point: 'Is this enough or do I need more?'

Also with things such as bi-gendered it's implied there's two of "you" in the one body. You could have a liquid-gender (if that's the correct word) where there's one of "you" but your gender is fixed as changing. Perhaps that's possible?


Or something.

[MurphysLaw]

I know what you mean, until i figure it all out i basically look at it as a blend of gender. And there is a ratio of how male/female im feeling because it seems to be constantly changing. i feel like monitoring the ratio might give me, or you, a better idea of who they are. I've also just started referring to my case as a genderblender ;3 blender as in the kitchen tool, kinda cute.

[itsa_wallaby]

I thought there were a bunch of people here who are bi-/multigendered who aren't multiple?

Sorry I can't provide any advice, Sarah Nicole. But answers do tend to come with time.

[Lyn Aven]

Oh yeah, there are a bunch of us here. I'm one of them even though I'm multiple too -- I'm bigender DESPITE Odessa being here.

[SarahNicole]

I hate feeling so wishy-washy all the time. I especially hate when I say something here, only to change how I feel shortly thereafter. I feel like I can't make up my mind about who I am, and therefore may not really be trans, but just fucked up in the head.

But with that said, my latest theory (subject to change by tomorrow) is that I'm not bigender or plural or what have you... and maybe not even "really" transgender, and still confused as hell. I'm still soul searching though and hopefully hormones (if I can get them) will help me toward figuring things out...

See the blog post I made today named "What should I do?" for more info.

[Heka]

I have no idea how common or not this is, but for me I feel them both at the same time, and they are both pretty strong. (and in my case it's neutrois and male, and this is most likely outside of being median)