Psychopomp wrote:Be firm about everything, (you are transgendered, not you think you are) don't leave room for doubt. Stress how crushing it is every time someone emphasizes the wrong gender (or if they call it a phase) and don't compromise.
As for how you come out, formally seems to be the popular way to do it, letter writing in particular. You don't have to be there when they read it and it gives them time to let your words stew and any tempers to calm before you show up to talk about it all.
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